Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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