hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
