and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
