This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
