i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The adults are the big ones right?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
