If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
