She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
