we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
