his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He passed out mid-signature
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
