bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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