you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
