I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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