The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
