I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
