cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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