i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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