drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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