My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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