Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
