Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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