Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
