She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
