I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
