We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
