I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
