Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
