brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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