This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
