she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
