I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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