Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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