This is not my ceiling
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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