Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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