The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize