there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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