I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
