i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
