literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
