I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
