i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The Olympian is in my bed
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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