I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
