do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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