Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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