Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
