big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
