She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
