last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
