Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
