his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
