yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So much Jack, so little girl.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
