party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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