So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize