update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
