Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
