people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
