I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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