Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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