Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize