Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
