Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You can't just leave with hair like that
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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