Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
