Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
