Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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