Someone shit on the floor
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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