just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
