i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
