$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
