ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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