it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize