His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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