I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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