I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
