I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
