Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize