i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
