just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Your dad touched me again.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
