Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
